Wiccan Spells 2006 edition
aka when s*** hits the fanAnd yes it's fer reeel!
WIGGA TEH HOLY BOOK OF MAJIK*:
*majik™ not to be confused with magic becuz that's liek, totally different Teh Holy Book must not be read by people lacking common sense. |
1. take EVERYTHING at face value 2. read a lot of Cunningham or whatever our patron saint's name was 3. absorb any shit you read 4. think you're a witch now 5. search the net for sites so you can try to look smart 6. act cool 7. you need to buy wicca stuff. Try this for those hard-to-make wands. 8. ALWAYS miss the obvious 9. get a cool majcickal name like WillowMoon Morgana Ibis Azuria Fluffland-Wincourette Chrystalia Faëryewingz 10. remember: medieval spelling makes a witch! NO: magic, girl, art YES: magick, girle, or arte 11. use a cute, witchy name online. Examples: Piper89, m00nsHAdoW, *flowergirly*, WinterSnowScarlettLady 12. witch = wicca, people not agreeing are so not 4 real 13. other religions are like totally oppressing us 14. if you're a highschool student, nothing is cooler than mentioning your mad hexing skills at class 15. keep your massive and good-looking BOS totally hidden, although let your friends know about it for good effect 16. your grandma once used some herbs for something - you must be a real hereditary witch!!!111one 17. if you hear someone talking about Sabrina The Teenage Witch, sneer and educate them that it's not real wicca...nism or whatever 18. it's best not to mention that you "found" goddess and god inside thanks to Buffy The Vampire Slayer 19. nudism is so cool and sacred, even during winter 20. knowledge of history is power! Tell everyone about the burning times and how your religion totally has been alive for the last 20.000 years. 21. the Wiccan Rede is a command! You're not a real wiccan if you fail at doing what it says. 22. the Three-Fold law is to be taken literally 23. idolize Cunningham, Horne and Ravenwolf, because they're always right 24. celebrate Samhain on Halloween and let everyone know it's really important to you 25. use all your money to buy colourful candles and stinky incence 26. having a shag with a bum in the nearest park means you're iniated. Wow! 27. find lots of cool spells online, they really work 28. scold your beginner wiccan friends for attempting lovespells, original wiccans didn't do them. No sir. No way. 29. always have a stock of green candles ready for those moneyspells 30. you can't be wiccan if you can't get wine for your rites 31. try not to be subtle about your faith. advertise it with jewellery, literature, open prayers during day and explaining people how cool it is to believe 32. getting a Windows error on your Computer of Shadows in the middle of important rite is not a big deal. 33. found a textfile that says it's the Gardnerian BOS? Great, now you're a Trad Wiccan! 34. not knowing what the hell you're doing when serving gods is natural. Afterall, it's your religion, not anyone else's. 35. actual belief in religion is so oldfashioned. (Talking about is much cooler.) 36. wear wicca! Clothes: black clothes, perhaps with some lace. Aim for the gothic look. Accessories: jewellery (preferably with symbols like moon, pentagram etc.) Cosmetics: real wicca macikkkal make-up (try dark eyeliners and pale complexion) 37. after you've studied wicca at least two hours, you should make a website. Remember to use loads of cute moving graphics. Wicca afterall, is all about good looks. Wiccanspells 2005 is a wonderful example of what well-chosen pictures can do to a site. Colourtheme should include hotpink and lilac (magical colours!!!). All graphics should either be BMPs or moving GIFs. Visitors want good and solid info about wicca. The easiest way is to take content from other sites. That way your site will be very informative and professional. Screw copyright, it's not like someone could own religious texts, right? 38. wicca is an "ancient religion"/THE Olde faith etc etc etc, so it must be better than others. 39. when you hear about the burning times, sigh deeply and look sad. When someone asks you what's wrong, dramatically shriek "Nothing!", clutch your big pentagram and storm off. 40. WHITE MAJIKK! Real Wiccans only do white magic, which is different from black magjick, 'cuz it's bad to be bad. |
END? |
Pentagram - the symbol other religions totally stole. :( |
Psst, we take contributions!
Leave your message in the guestbook. Thanks go to: Jennifer, "Moria" and "jettafox". NEW! An authentic, old photograph of an eclectic wykka couple performing a ritual.
True wykkans Mr. and Mrs. Fluffland-Smith are showing us a fine example of a ritual. They have cleared the sacred area and prepared with loads
of pretty candles to light up the event.
Notice the subtle symbolism: Mrs. Fluffland-Smith is carrying a crescent moon on her forehead, and her husband is sporting not only a fancy sun-themed tattoo, but also a fun pair of Mickey Mouse ears. Delightful game for the whole family: spot the tampon cord! |
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